Navigating the holidays with ease

Many people are beginning the countdown to their anticipated trip home for the holidays, the majority are not concerned with wrestling zippers after overeating but the anxiety of dealing with family interactions. I have, on many occasions, been hired by very famous and successful individuals in their fields to spend long weekends with them and their families. It was fascinating to me to see these Thought Leaders regress to a child’s state simply by the presence of adult figures in their lives. To be clear, I recognize that the behavior also stems from having been raised in a toxic environment. To clarify, a toxic environment is not limited to physically and verbal abuse. I consider the following to be toxic environments: controlling others, putting pressure of your dreams onto your kids, as well as shaming and blaming for not doing what the adults want. This last one is most unsettling and many times becomes our inner voice that says we are not good enough. For many, every minute spent with family can bring to light new fears and a sense of anxiety.

I know what many of you are going through. It took time for me to truly be who I am around my family and not allow any opinion of anyone else to determine the way I see or feel about myself.

For many people, the opinion of the persons who raised them dominates every decision they make as an adult. This can be incredibly frustrating because it is not what they want for themselves and it is like a never-ending story.

If this sounds familiar to you, you can breathe and allow yourself to relax, you are not the only one. This doesn’t mean it is ok, it means that you can find support. I have helped people for the last six years during the holidays (New Class Starting Soon) to gain the confidence to stand tall and be truthful to themselves.

Here some tips to navigate the holiday season:

Be yourself, and don’t feel like you have to lie about who you are.

Be you. This may be terrifying and challenging when dealing with dysfunctional families when being yourself, you may start question your sanity. When you are you there is no need for approval or need to control the situation or the other person. The truth is we cannot change anyone, so if they are going to do what they always do, being yourself may help the situation by breaking unwanted patterns. Try it, it will be liberating.

It may suck, so?

I understand… What about if this year nothing changes or it gets worse? If you can prepare yourself in this sense, it doesn’t matter — does it? Can you be ok aside from what others are doing or how others behave?

Have a buddy to be your 911. Have some friends on-call

It is not necessary to react. Family, and especially toxic family, know-how and when to put salt on the wounds. It may not be intentional, but they do. If you do not have one, hire one, a person that has big ears and can cool you down before you say or do something that will make things worse. Like I mention before, I used to go to family gatherings and holidays to support clients in this regard.

Take care of yourself

Go for walks, exercise, or just go to a coffee place by yourself and take time to recuperate. Find a way to get time with yourself or with someone who really gets you. Take a break and spend time far away from the ones you consider toxic. The catch here is not to gossip about them or play over and over again in your head the things they have said and done to you. Do not allow anyone to have real estate in your mind. You’re in charge there.

Don’t numb yourself with substances.

You can only heal what you feel. Some substances will make you angry and other ones will make you forget. The goal is to heal and move on. Have a journal with you and every time someone does or says something that makes you twitch inside, make a mental note and when you are alone, journal about it (Here is a previous link of how to start journaling) this will help to release some of the built-up charges.

Practice Gratitude.

Remember what these holidays are all about it, they are not just to shop or overeat. The essence is to be grateful for our daily bread (Gift in life) especially or even if they come in the form of toxic family members.

It is not our job to judge or complain about others or how they act towards us. Every one of us has the ability to design the life we want, Sometimes it just takes for you to say “NO”.

Who knows, you may inspire others to do the same.

With love and gratitude.